Anonymous Clever Epicurean Invents Imaginary Vegetarian Tasting Menu

When I challenged a creative genius to whip up a faux seven-course veg menu for me (emphasis on obscure ingredients and inclusion of hardened sugar hock), I didn't expect that'd he deliver. For future reference, I encourage people to do crazy shit for me all of the time, but I almost never mean it. He hasn't prepared any of this yet, but IN DUE TIME, folks. Anything I eat for the next month will pale in comparison.

A Man of His Word's Vegetarian Tasting Menu

Amuse Bouche: Belgian endive chip with a dollop of blueberry applesauce

1st Course: Asparagus crema and red bell pepper hash served on an "Everything" crostini

2nd Course: Triple-layer roasted veggie terrine — Chinese eggplant, okra, lemon cucumber — served in a translucent coffee mug and topped with frozen mascarpone whipped cream

3rd Course: Chayote medallions seasoned with smoked paprika and glazed with miso caramel; wrapped in flash-fried frisee

Palate cleanser: Cocktail spoon of bitter melon gelato, Alaea sea salt

4th Course: Quesadillas on a stick: blue corn mini tortilla cut in the shape of a ninja throwing star, stuffed with oaxaca cheese, faux blackened shrimp, diced summer squash and huitlacoche sour cream

5th course: Seitan BBQ osso bucco served in a hardened sugar hock with okinawa potato fries and habanero ziti

6th Course: A heap of faux pulled duck marinated in Santa Cruz Organic Root Beer, cayenne pepper and cumin; served in a fried leek boat shaped like an espadrille (your size)

7th Course: Gelato.

High-alt. I know what you're thinking about dessert, but after six rounds of flavor tennis in your mouth, a null, unspoken gelato will be just the thing.