Thursday, September 18, 2008

A History of Violence

The coup de grace to Tuesday's farmer's market excursion, the thing that made it different from all the other vegetable-whoring goings on in the city, was the Natural Baker's table. There must be a farm somewhere that raises vegan pastry chefs and then sends them off to Philly with dairy-free cupcakes.

Remember we talked about how I would never eat a cupcake again because it wasn't working out for me? Let's review:

The truth is, I just don't like cupcakes. Especially vegan ones.
I know I've been a real bitch lately. But those GIANT CUPPIES! VEGANCUPCAKES!! PINK FROSTINGS$)(! CUPCAKERYyyyyY OHMYYUMM POWER TAKE OVER THE WORLD WITH MY EARTH BALANCE CAKE!! girls are like, somehow, worse.
Cupcakes are even less edgy than seitan cheesesteaks. Say the word cupcake out loud. You sound like a fool.
Vegan cookbooks need to go beyond their current concept of "Oh, look, cute. I make cupcakes" and start making angry, passionate food.

And so on. Is that why the above chocolate cupcake appears to have suffered an afternoon of jostling around in my bag? Was I hoping it would go away? The Natural Baker's goodies come at the right price of $1.75 . There were also some cookies hanging out.

I shouldn't have banged up the pretty cupcake's face. You'll be happy to know that I suffered as well. The frosting caused my throat to seize up, the crumbly cake was sans moisture. With the Rittenhouse Brown Betty opening, I think it's high time I give up on vegan cupcake testing for y'all.

In the meantime, I'll post a Craigslist ad for a new vegan cupcake sampling agent.


S. said...

haha You're great.


It's about bloody time.

kdubz said...

whythankyou YES.

it's open tuesday-saturday 12-7pm.

i grabbed a cupcake menu while i was there. no, i didn't eat one. some of the highlights:

Company's Comin' (Tu, Th, Sat)

-Coconut Poundcake w/ Coconut Frosting

Leon's Orange Pound or Blackberry Banana Pound (Fri, Sat)

269 S. 20th St.

now, how qualified are you for the position?

Flufftronix! said...

Ooh, I too am interested in this position. By the by I'm a vegan who moved to Philly a month and a half ago; your suggestions I've been able to check out (soya patties at Golden Krust and a few items at Home Slice) have been pretty great. Keep it up!

kdubz said...

fabulous! leave no vegan cupcakes unturned.

welcome to the phl.

glad to have you reading. do let me know of any coverage you'd like to see.