Why Is Horizon's Salad Part Of A Super Bowl Game Plan?

Considering that it's nutritious, vegan, and....oh, right, it's garnished with crushed tortilla chips. It totally counts, then.

Over at the Inky, they lay out a better-for-you spread that includes the Yucatan chopped spinach salad, but a glimpse at the nutritionals makes you wonder why it even belongs in there.

"Oh, I want to have a vegan option, too. The word spinach will be translated as angelic."

It's a damn good salad, fine, but it's not exactly a skinny one. Those writers will never make sense to me, and vice versa, I'm sure.

Go steal the recipe, though, and leave the bitching to me.

....And A Side Of Vrapple

Vegan scrapple, Vrapple. Who asked for this? Better yet, why do I want some? I tried scrapple once as a kid at a friend's house. She was the first person I knew that had a Walkman. I never ate it again, but mostly because it was never around and my family didn't eat it.

I do love soy sausage or tempeh bacon, those rare brunch sides that you can find at Cantina, the Royal, and Mugshots. Even Fountain at the Four Seasons has the vegan stuff. But the idea of vegan scrapple had never even crossed my mind, until I heard that Basic 4 Vegetarian offered it as a breakfast option. Still, I didn't brave it. Then I read in PW that the Fair Food Farmstand at Reading Terminal has been making it. It's being served at Milkboy Coffee for now, but the second it's sold at their stand, I will procure this creation. It's basically seitan with secret ingredients. Is it the same vrapple that is sold at Basic 4? All will be determined by a super-tasting.

Veg Out: Miel Patisserie

I've become a regular at Miel Patisserie, what with it being so close to the TUCC Campus. I have, with the rare exception, stopped eating pre-packaged and frozen products. Not out of some SUPER-VEG kick, but my body demands fresh bread, produce, and home-cooked meals. I've no interest in a lot of things that I used to rely on before.

My brothers would roll their eyes and confirm that I've finally lost my taste buds.

But the double cream french brie, pain complet baked with a touch of brown sugar, and the sack of sweet oranges that I brought home would not support this theory.

Now, back to Miel Patisserie, where I will attempt everything that they offer. The Caprese Baguette, your classic tomato, basil, mozzarella drizzled with oil, is simple and delicious. It's not a heavy sandwich, but it kept me sated for longer than necessary.

Miel Patisserie, 204 South 17th Street, 215-731-9191

Veg In: Golden Empress

It wasn't pretty.

On the regular, the veg selections at Golden Express Garden have always been good. With this in mind, I decided to give their delivery a go. I chose the Sweet & Sour Bean Curd, perhaps mistakenly, because I have a past of being dissatisfied whenever I try it outside of the restaurant. Su Xing and any Chinatown spot always nail it, but I'm guessing it doesn't deliver well.

So I received this unappetizing platter of tofu in a thin orange liquid that is NOTHING like the Sweet & Sour sauce that it should arrive in. There were maybe two peppers and a sliver of carrot hidden underneath. It was edible, if you eat regular steamed tofu all of the time. I happen to like mine breaded, grilled, or fried, or at least fucked around with a little. It wasn't crispy at all. I should have had the wheat gluten (chicken) style.

I ended up with an eggroll and the mock meatball soup, which were less deserving of complaints, but nothing great. I'm about to give up on ordering Chinese. It's always a huge WTF letdown compared to the near-perfect takeout that I find.

Golden Empress Garden, 610 S. 5th St., 215-627-7666

If You Must Have A Cupcake

Cupcakes are even less edgy than seitan cheesesteaks. Say the word cupcake out loud. You sound like a fool. Cake, on the other hand, is a concept to be taken seriously. However, if you must...

Be a vegan snob about it and demand the best:



Or go for broke. Every complete fucking female mess that I know loves these giant stuffed cupcakes from Naked Chocolate Cafe. It's like a vacation on Strawberry Shortcake Island. The only way to deal with it involves a fork. Do not pair with the apple lemonade, do not let the fussy parents with Hollywood-named children distract you, and do note that soy milk is a staple coffee station item.

Veg Out: Zinc Bistro

My love affair with French cuisine continues.

In an effort to revisit artisan baguette perfection, I looked to Miel Patisserie in Rittenhouse Square. The croissants passed muster, particularly the flaky almond pastry. We spent the rest of the afternoon shopping with a sword of bread sticking out my bag, ripping off hunks whenever we got hungry and admiring window shoe displays as we chewed the close-to-Paris-quality baguette.

By dinnertime, we weren't hungry, but wanted the romance to continue. Steak frites, lobster bisque, meat special after meat special. As our server recited that evening's off-limits delights, it seemed like I had been relegated to bread and wine at Zinc Bistro. Further inspection of the menu was promising, however. Salads and cheese plates, potato galette, omelets, and a savory wild mushroom tart (Tart aux Champignons) with a touch of melted Morbier, that was rich and satisfying. The salade maison is the only vegan option. The frites were near-perfect.

How to finish it off? A cup of La Colombe and the tiny shortbread cookies that are delivered with the check.

Zinc, 246 S. 11th St., 215-351-9901, www.zincbarphilly.com

Now We Return To Your Regularly Scheduled Vegan Treats Programming

I've never showed up at Govinda's during a Vegan Treats delivery, but it's like when a celebutante goes on a spree and her packages are carried into the house. White box after white box was brought in, one of them contained Caramel Apple Pecan Cheesecake, of the few desserts that I had yet to try.

Spotted: New Fake Foods

Nutrition bars. I would much rather have real food, but back when I was working shit jobs, I didn't have time to eat. So I'd take Luna bars with me everywhere. The luxury of being able to make chickpea salad sandwiches whenever means I no longer have to stab myself in the culinary eye with protein sticks.

But if you can't be bothered to mash up some chickpeas and mix with Nayo, chives, s&p, celery, red pepper or tomato for some delicious sandwichin', Luna and Clif have new flavors:


Clif Mojo Dipped Peanut Butter & Jelly-Is it even possible to like Clif bars? I guess they're good for what they are. But I always feel like I haven't eaten anything after I have one.


Luna Sunrise Apple Cinnamon-I wouldn't buy it again, but it's okay if you like Lunas.

Or you could have that sandwich we talked about.

Crepe Forgiveness

My cravings for crepes have returned. So while replenishing my cupboards at Whole Foods in disheartened spirits because each piece of fruit and loaf of bread looks so American and lackluster and unloveable, I came across Le Ster Crepes. You can buy a single or a whole package in different flavors. I chose the Tarte Tatin six-pack. I imagine that the French would scoff at prepackaged crepes, the way that Isgro's or Stock's Bakery would turn their noses at Tastykakes, but what's a girl to do? Go to Beau Monde? Make her own? You're right, I will. But for now? These apple & caramel filled crepes are not bad at all.

Paris Virgin: Paris Madeire

When in Paris, does one dare to dine at a place with Paris in the name?

One does. By this time, I was tired of crepes. I had crepe'd the fuck out. You need to understand that I was so disappointed by the quality of crepes that I found. Nutella crepes with chesnut cream? Intensely sweet enough to get you in a sugar crash. Not enough to sustain an afternoon of wandering. Buckwheat crepes with spinach and an egg yolk in the center? Not all that.

What did I start craving? I wanted a huge fucking salad. Paris Madeire it was, where I feasted on the Salade Madeire, a rather unique salad that had corn, cubes of cheese, and some creamy dressing that I'd never had before, adorned with the largest croutons I'd ever seen. I had a fruit salad for dessert, as it was only lunchtime, and there were plenty of carb-y treats to be had later.



Such as this pistachio mini-eclair, with a creamy green filling.

Galette, The Best A Gal Can Get

At Cafe Du Thé, a rosy-cheeked barista fixed me a café au lait and then convinced me to have a seat. She brought over a warm, almonde galette that practically melted on my tongue because it was so buttery. It was just the right amount of sweet. My drink was perfectly creamy and the cafe was crammed with dashing French boys.

But in Philly, I'll have to settle for these afternoon delights:

City Paper: Top 5 Swanky Coffee Splurges

And perhaps one of these to make the flaxheads jel?

Paris Virgin: Rendezvous Des Artistes

Montmartre/Pigalle is known as being the Fishtown/early Northern Liberties of Paris. That meant I had to stay there. It also meant that area cafes had capitalized on the artsy vibe already. Hence I found myself dining at Au Rendezvous des Artistes.

I ordered the wrong omelet because I forgot to say the word legumes. Fuck. It came with a pitiful salad and some pathetic frites, but an omelet is an omelet. At least the wine was excellent. I followed up with a Mirabelle Tarte, which was made from plums and was just as pretty as it sounds.

As for the atmosphere, it wasn't Young Art School Dropout Night. A few dusty fellas held residence at the bar and some tired looking groups scattered about with greasy food. And do artists really pay 4 euros for Perrier?

Paris Virgin: Le Potager Du Marais

It cost me more in cab fare to go to and from Le Potager Du Marais than it did to eat there, but it was one of the few solid vegetarian restaurants that I had researched before going. Most restaurants had few veggie options-always some kind of salad, omelet, crepes, or quiche. It's almost as though tofu, seitan, TVP, and tempeh don't exist. You can forget about the vegan junk food that you'd find at Gianna's-they really don't care about us that much.

So it was nice to know about Le Potager. I even made a reservation, because it was supposed to be crowded. When I showed up on Saturday evening, there was one couple and a long, empty community-style table with rustic decor. To get to the bathroom, you had to walk outside into a cobblestone alley.

The menu was interesting enough, with a focus on healthy comfort food rather than the chic vegan art-on-a-plate that you get at Horizons. French onion soup, of course. I chose a gratin after seeing the plate another patron was digging into and stumbled with French to convey to my server that I wanted it. Smoooooth.

The gratin was a casserole, layered with TVP, spinach, and pureed pumpkin. It could have used more flavor and wasn't too exciting, but it was satisfying.



Soon enough, I had the resto all to myself. For dessert, I went with a chocolate mousse. It wasn't identified as vegan on the menu, but there were vegan items available for each course. It had such a velvet-y texture. As much as I love tofu, could it really be a suspect here?

Veg Above: Vegetarian Airplane Meals

The best part about ordering a vegetarian meal when you book your flight?

You'll get served before everyone else and they call it a "special meal".

I figured I would pick at my food, but my Air France grub was shockingly good. Pasta, lots of vegetables, crusty bread, Roquefort cheese, and two desserts: Kozy Shack rice pudding (I admittedly love the stuff) and an espresso chocolate chip coffee cake (on the dry side, but not too bad). I wasn't expecting breakfast as well, but a few hours later, yogurt, juice, and a chocolate chip bun (not quite a muffin) was placed before me.

On the way back, NWA's veg meal consisted of fruit salad, a marinated salad with pickled vegetables, an unlikely trio of string beans, beans, and rice, some kind of cheese spread, and saltine crackers. Dessert was a French cereal bar. It was like they had no clue what a vegetarian would eat and just threw a bunch of random foodstuffs on a tray. The "snack" was a cheese sandwich, pretzels, and vanilla ice cream. They kept shoving food at us.

Bottom line, it's safe to assume you'll be taken care of.

Paris Virgin: My Petit Dejeuner

I had been forewarned that coffee in Paris was no good. I guess if you're an American who ruins espresso with extras or an Italian who has coffee in your DNA, you're not about to be impressed. But I had nothing to worry about. Every café that I knocked back whilst there was strong and smooth, topped off with lovely crema. I would gladly trade in my giant cups of mud for it.

Coffee service there is generally fancy and it is taken after the meal. It is not brew you just sling back while you're rushing to work. In the morning, order it short or long, with real sugar cubes, and add a gleaming baguette or flaky croissant for a typical petit dejeuner. I managed to become a regular at the boulangerie by my hotel, where 1.40 euro would get me this:



And even though I appreciate the granola bullshit that I stick with in the mornings at home, it's amazing how a piece of bread will last with you in Paris. I hardly ever eat bread by itself in Philly because I can never find any that I'm crazy about. But there I was on the balcony in a winding alley in Montmartre with real bread. Buttery with a touch of sweetness, crusty on the outside and soft in the heart. If I could relive that moment each day? I'd stop my adventuring right there.

Veg Out: Chapterhouse Cafe

I'll be away in Paris for the next week, but I couldn't wait and had to grab a Euro Grilled Cheese to complement my schoolgirl excitement.

Chapterhouse is the cleanest coffeeshop that I know of. Yet it's completely laid-back and not at all stuffy like nicer cafes can be. I often end up at dingy places with puddles of newspapers, moldy sofas, and chipped mugs because I prefer the atmosphere, but it's cool to have a more sophisticated option. Chapterhouse is that spot for me. It has that Euro vibe, but the music is less grating and the art is actually decent. There's plenty of space, lots of light, and what I'm getting at...veg eats.

I've always been a fan of the Euro Grilled Cheese, but here's a reminder of why:



The garlic spread is what makes this sandwich, along with the fact that there is no cheddar to be found, for once. It comes with a tangy cucumber salad.



They also have a new vegan wrap on the menu with tofu, hummus, and other wrap-ish necessities, and Alternative Baking Co. vegan cookies (the Snickerdoodle is my favorite and as such, is pretty hard to track down).

Chapterhouse Cafe, 620 S. Ninth St., 215-238-2626

Like The Mud Cakes You Made As A Kid, Only Edible

I never made mud cakes when I was a kid. I'm jealous if you did.

It's easy to nuke a box of frozen veggie burgers and think that you're consuming a healthy meat substitute. Scan the ingredients with your luxury time and you'll find some unwanted guests (nitrates, preservatives, artificial colors). That's why it all tastes so good and looks somewhat similar to meat.

But once you try veggie patties that are made in-house (either in a restaurant or in your own kitch), it's hard to go back to your plastic-wrapped junk food burgers. I don't mind if my burger is made of real veg, lentils, or rice, and doesn't have char marks. I'm nature's bitch.



This mix couldn't be simpler. You boil water, stir the contents, and then you form your patties and fry 'em up. It makes six and it's soooooooo much cheaper than that Boca stuff you're messin' with. Some fake here and there is fine, as long as you don't find yourself spending one minute making dinner every night. Unless, of course, you're like me and now have Nature's Burger leftovers to freeze for future quick meals.

How To Order A Banh Mi At Green Line

"Would you like yesterday's or today's?"

"Uhhhhhh, today's."

"Okay! Personally, I think yesterday's are very dried out."



Green Line Cafe, 4239 Baltimore Ave.
Other Green Line 4305 Locust St.

Veg Out: The POPE

I don't particularly want to tell anyone where the POPE is. It's no secret, but it's one of those sacred neighborhood places that people consistently never know about.

If someone tells you that the seitan cheesesteak there is any good, buy them another beer until they're less right than they already are.

Because it's a very shitty example of what a seitan steak should be.

If you've had the Abbaye version, you'll see the glaring differences. The quality of the bread, cheese, and seasoning, for one. The level of the fries? There's hardly enough tasteless seitan to fill the cheap roll, so all you identify is cheese. You won't even realize that there are onions on this thing. It's like settling. I wouldn't rec it.

I'm not saying it isn't edible. Just average. Throw back some lager and you should be persuaded.

Figalicious: With More Fiber Than Your Average Popstar

There's no need for me to buy a big package of organic fig cookies as I do not have a bunch of fig lovers over The Studio very often. Instead, I visit the bin section of Whole Foods where you buy nuts, grains, and other foodstuffs by the pound. There are some things here that actually make sense to buy less of. Not $22 goji berries. But the whole wheat fig cookies? They're tastier than the packaged kind. Bag 'em up.

In The Kitchen With Kelly: Oven-Baked "Chicken" & Fingers

Skinny Bitch in the Kitch with the assist on this one. I had to modify their recipe as I didn't have bread crumbs or cornmeal-and a few other ingredients-on hand. I made my own crumbs and instead of baking cornbread with the recipe as they suggested, I roasted some fingerling potatoes with canola oil (omega-3 points!), sea salt,and fresh herbs.

The "chicken" was even easier. To make a crust on your seitan, you basically just dip into a dish of soy milk, then dunk into wheat or rice flour, again in soy milk, back to the flour, then finally coat in bread crumbs before baking on an oiled cookie sheet for ten minutes on each side. The result is a crispy shell on your seitan, with a meaty inside. I'll use decent bread crumbs next time.

Flax Club Wednesday

Flaxxxxxxxxin. Club wasn't so stoked when I showed up with Flaxseed muffins from Whole Foods. For one, they ask that I stop shopping there because they feel that it limits my veg-creativity and that I should bake everything from scratch, or with what I can steal from a neighbor's garden. But they can't deny that for the latest veg innovations, one must wade into the cold waters of the mainstream.

Filled with nuts and seeds, the muffins were not overly sweet and hearty enough to quiet Flax Crowd. I'd even call them dinner muffins.

Quorn Roast Update

The Quorn Roast Shortage of '07 is over. So are the holidays, when Quorn Roast is most useful and desirable. Buy one anyway, since you can, and we'll roast the fuck out of it.

Spotted: Vegan Truffles

Foodaphilia has a choco pecan truffle recipe for the heavy cream lovers out there, but who has vegan truffles? Just yesterday I spotted vegan cappuccino truffles at Canvas Coffeeshop, where giant vegan chocolate chip cookies are usually a possibility. Every time I go in there and don't buy one, I'm in serious denial of my needs.



Canvas Coffee, 400 E. Girard Ave., 215-425-0524

When MIA Comes Over For Dinner

I don't fuck around with reservations. I make veggie korma, or the easy-easy equivalent: Vegetable Supreme & Basmati Rice, which is a 2-minute meal that includes everything. You can find it at any decent supermarket.



Add some whole wheat Naan bread and pretend that you're at Bindi.



Can someone please take me to Bindi, though?