In The Kitchen With Kelly: Kale-Y Girl Sandwich

My Reading Terminal Market scavenging left me with a bounty of chocolate Pequea Valley Farms yogurt, San Francisco blend coffee, hard-to-find starfruit, stoplight-colored bell peppers, Hendricks Farm gruyere, and a bunch of kale. I took this as a sign that I was making a grilled cheese sandwich. Not just any sandwich, though. This one:

The Kale-Y Girl

2 slices of bread (the grainier, the sexier)
2 slices of Gruyere (or any cheese, Trader Joe's vegan mozzarella is phenomenal)
2 giant handfuls of kale (extra greens on the side never hurts)
1 tbsp of Earth Balance

Slice up a bell pepper and snack on it as you go. You want to sauté the greens for a few minutes until they're nice and wilted. Drizzle with a hit of oil, some cracked black pepper. Trust yourself. Keep working on that bell pep. It's good, right? So simple. I like it when my kale is charred a little.

Butter up a bread slice and place into the pan next to the kale. Pack on the gruyere, and transfer half of the kale on top. Add the second slice of bread, go check 3 emails, then flip your sandwich. When the gruyere is melted to your liking, plate up.

Serves 1.

The Quiet Storm: A Vegetarian Walks Into the Mellon Arena

If you ever find yourself in Pittsburgh (say WHEN the Flyers meet the Penguins for round 3 in the playoffs), or you're crazy enough to want to be there on your own time, fast not. The Steel City has more to offer than Primanti Bros. sandwiches.

The Quiet Storm: The on-site vegan bakery speaks for itself. But not until you finish your Magic Snake or the vegan Country Burrito with soysage and gravy...

The Zenith: This veg cafe/antique shop timesucker is not to be missed.

Legume Bistro: Try their vegetarian prix-fixe menu on Wednesday nights.

Hype Wars, ALTs, And The Best Possible Typo Of The Day

Is it just a typo, or is Memphis Taproom's menu really offering vegan steak frites?

Food & Drinq revealed the offerings of Port Richmond's newest pub, which opened yesterday, and the list is questionable. I've heard many things about Memphis Taproom, but not much at all about a) the beer and b) the stuff you eat with beer. I guess I'm definitely part of that problem, because I casually mention that BLANK is opening in BLANK NEIGHBORHOOD in BLANK MONTHS, all of the time. I'm nosy, I walk everywhere, I ask a lot of questions.

You can make the food nerds salivate with press releases all you want, but when you spend all of your efforts creating buzz, who is going to assure that the Fish & Chips with Miso Tofu is a solid hit? I wasn't expecting the menu to be so flirtatious with vegankind, but it is: an Avocado "Bacon", Lettuce, & Tomato sandwich, BBQ Seitan, Buckwheat Chili & Drunk Ranch Beans, and then....Steak Frites with a vegan asterisk next to it?

How many times have I stood on the Memphis Taproom corner in my youth with my snack of choice (Herr's BBQ Corn Chips & Arctic Splash drilled with a straw), wondering if the girl who wanted to fight me was going to show up, if we should walk by my ex-boyfriend's house for the 30th time that day, if my uncle would buy me that sky blue dress for the 8th grade dance? I am really that person, tofu or not.

Memphis, do not let this girl down.

Memphis Taproom, 2331 E. Cumberland St at Memphis


Food & Drinq: Memphis Menu

Veg Out: Amada

If you look past the selections of meat hanging from the ceiling, Amada is an airy and chic Spanish tapas lounge that does not overlook the rest of us. Or at least the veg-with-a-livable-salary. It's also huge and takes an hour to walk from one side of the restaurant to the other. The Verduras section on the menu is extremely green, with 4 vegan plates and 9 options for lactos, as well as a cheese list that reads like poetry. Portions are indeed tiny, but just right if you consider how the rest of the world eats.

Cheese guided the way that night. A crisp empanada revealed a flavorful arrangement of spinach, manchego, and artichoke. Baked goat cheese served with a sofrito sauce and mini toast was not a standout, even if it was well-executed. I expected something othern than good intentions. We finished with more manchego, this time in a mousse. It had a very cheesecake-like structure and flavor, with a crust of pistachio shortbread. A trail of apple crumb dusted the plate and was swept through with a side of apple cider sorbet. There are 3 sorbets to choose from.

Not at all a bad experience, when you understand that options are half the battle.

Amada, 217 Chestnut St, www.amadarestaurant.com

Trader NOs

Every once in a while, among the many Trader yesses, there is a Trader Joe's no.

A definite TJ's yes is the Three-Layer Hummus. I leave Sabra and Bobbi's Hummus to the rest of you, the thick, creamy spreads from TJ's are the real deal. What to do when you can't decide what flavor you want? The Three-Layer is a pretty trifle of cilantro, original, and red pepper. Drill your way to the bottom with those pita chips, the cilantro is the zestiest.



I found a rare miss in the Chicken-less Strips. They come pre-seasoned but you wouldn't know it. They're completely flavorless, and I suggest marinating them or throwing them on a pizza.



Speaking of pizza, the best store-bought pizza dough known to man is sold at TJ's and is chilling in my fridge. Every 3rd Sunday of the month I put on a bikini top and an apron for pizza-making. While I wait for the pies to cook, I drink wine and watch Sportscenter.

I should mention that there's a first time for everything.

Vrapple Jacks: We Eat What We Like

In Philly, we prop our scrapple next to eggs, pancakes, and other breakfast staples. I thought about making strawberry waffles, but then I remembered the plate-sized cinnamon bun from Vegan Treats that was hanging out in my kitchen. After downing tequila on an empty stomach and tap dancing up the stairs to my apartment early this morning, I was in no condition to be making breakfast, let alone eating it.


I managed to inhale a good portion of the cinnamonster before my throat closed up. I'm sick right now, what am I doing? For the protein portion of my Bourdain-approved Vegas-style brekky, I upped the sin factor with Sarah's Savories Vrapple. The vegan scrapple is actually decent for you, made with seitan, buckwheat flour, and veggie stock. I've never cooked scrapple before so I applied common sense, sliced it into thin hunks, and fried it.



The texture was not quite firm and it was sweeter than the traditional kind. Surprisingly, it was very spicy. I have to say, I do prefer veggie sausage, if only because I have the palate of a 7-year old when it comes to handling heat. It is a well-made, creative product that most of my vegan friends will be adding to their brunch oeuvre.

As for me, I will be subsisting on kale smoothies and liquids until my throat gets it together. Don't make out with me today.

Vrapple is available at Essene (in small trial sizes or large packages), Fair Food Farmstand at Reading Terminal Market, and is on the brunch menu at Milkboy Coffee and London Grill.

Top Muffins, Less Muffin Top

The muffintop is the best part, right? Yet most muffins are so caloric they're probably illegal in Los Angeles. And forget the healthy-ish low-fat kind, which are pointless and generally just as terrible for you. Making your own is not the same unless you have special muffin tins to produce enormous bakery-style lovemuffins.

I have found peace in the muffins from Essene, which are vegan and made from whole grains and fresh fruits. The non-scary ingredients are listed. While that all sounds boring to the heathen in you, shut the fuck up and listen for a second. These are absurdly delicious, not just for what they are.

It's like two bland, vanilla-white people got together and made exotic, stick-with-you babies and the added bonus: nobody got fat.

The most delightful flavor yet? The summer-y Coconut Mango with lime juice is pure contentment.

In The Kitchen With....Peanut Butter Boy

First there was Burger Boy, now there's...Peanut Butter Boy.

I've always been amused that peanut butter is reputed to be a great source of protein. It's not, even nuts don't contain that much. Naturally More is the only spread I've found that packs a respectable amount (10 grams). Aside from that, it is one of those unfuckwithable routes to deliciousness, energy, and satiety. Peanut Butter Boy has more peanut butter in his pantry than all of us. I don't think you're ready for this jelly:

1 jar creamy honey roasted Skippy
1/4 jar Crunchy Honey Roasted Peanut Butter
1/4 jar Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter
1/2 jar Cinnamon Raisin Peanut Butter
1/6 jar Maple Peanut Butter
1/2 jar *secret flavor* peanut butter (to be continued...)
1/8 jar Wild Oats creamy peanut butter (not as good as Trader Joe's)
5 1/2 jars Trader Joe's creamy peanut butter (5 unopened)
1 1/2 jars Trader Joe's crunchy peanut butter (1 unopened)
1 jar almond butter

That is...a lot...of protein. He could be my next national Metro article.

When PBBoy is not sharing PB-based recipes like Peanut Butter Sushi, he's turning out healthy, veggie-friendly meals such as the Apple, Cheese, & Soysage Omelet (I'm making one right now).

His children's lunches will be so next level.

Veggie Burgers, Take 79830543

Does anyone still eat veggie burgers unless they have to? Like BBQs where being on a deck with your friends and half a bottle of ketchup makes everything taste perfect? Is it a sweeping generalization if I say that nobody does? Unless you make a damn fine faker on a bun, don't talk to me.

As my enthusiasm entails, there are a few veg burgs I haven't gotten around to. This is a plus--it means our gracious host city has enough tempeh clubs and tofu scrambles that I never have to settle for a simple frozen patty that the kitchen sells one of every couple of months. For those restaurants in Philly still embracing a dented box of Gardenburgers, we're not happy.

It was time to give the Abbaye a shot. I've always been appeased with their cooking, if not their unpredictable wait times. Could they make a McVeggie cry?

The Abbaye's veggie burger is not as impressive as its seitan cheesesteak, but it's close. The handmade patties are vegetable/rice-based and have a subtle kick. They come quite large, too, capped with melty gruyere. The frites, as always, are perfected by the zesty aoli.

I bring a first-timer to the Abbaye. Considering his savage appetite, he orders the last thing I expect. A standard portabella sandwich is elevated with crusty focaccia, provolone, and pesto. He raves about the bread, admits that the sandwich is deceptively filling, lingers over the aoli until few frites remain. As
usual, the art on the walls is ghastly. Burgered out, we agree that sometimes, you don't need ketchup and you don't need barbecues.

Veg Out: Maoz & Salad Bar Tetris

Maoz's new motto is Feel Your Falafel. They have a Facebook, a Flickr, a Myspace. For them to set up a second shop right in the Gayborhood is the natural next step in homogenization (you love puns as much as I do). I had to visit to see if it was anything like its father.

The falafel sandwich, which was cutting edge in Philadelphia maybe 11 years ago, is not so much where Maoz excels. Unless you must, see a falafel cart or listen to your Mama's.

The most well-branded falafel chain (Pita Pit, anyone?) has been so celebrated in Philadelphia because fried chickpeas taste even better after midnight. The new location on Walnut St. only stays open until 11pm on weekends, which flies in the face of both logic and the South St. shop's success. If this store has anything over the other one, it's the size. The larger space is well-lit with seating--long communal tables with benches and separate tables and chairs on the side. A row of stools faces a window table. What does this mean? A longer walk to the salad bar, sure, but a license to enjoy your falafel inside.

On to the Tetris. If you're me, you're not here for a sandwich. You've come seeking toppings. Step up to the salad box. It's a lot easier to navigate and comes with falafel piled on top of hummus, chickpeas, lettuce, and charred eggplant. There's more room to build with bulgur, fried cauliflower, cucumber salad, all of the good stuff that Maoz does well. Food ends up in your mouth and not on the floor. It's daytime, after all, your beer goggles are off. You want to look at what you're eating.

In the game of Ultimate Salad Bar Tetris, who will win?

Maoz Vegetarian, 1115 Walnut St

Living Life Without Mac Is Like Lying To Yourself

Remember Gianna's? The vegan mac is back, and I swear that every fat vegan I know just biked over to get some.

A Love Letter To My Urban Grocery

Dearest Grocery,

I detest grocery-shopping even though I'm a dedicated foodie. I'm surrounded by large supermarkets that sell low-quality baked goods and over-hyped good-for-you products. I would gladly bulldoze all of them if I could have you and the Reading Terminal Market in my clutches.

Your cheese platter is worth every cent of the $9.95 that you claim for it. Your bottled water with the Grocery label? Too cute. Your tiramisu almost made me cry. You sell those lovely margarita mixes from Lolita. You have decent bread, jam, oils, all of the picnick-y items that call for a rooftop park. Get it done. I assume that is next for you. If you had seating, I'd probably choose you every time.

You make bold moves on vegetarians with your tempting salad bar, tofu wrap, pistachio-crusted tofu, and yes, your tofu summer rolls.

This is really working for me.

Keep on keeping on,
-K



Grocery, 101 S. 13th St

The Devil's Playground Is Next To My Crib

Seitan + Beer + Proximity=

The Once-Over: Devil's Den

Veg Out: Cafe Grindstone

Whenever there's a new coffee hang in town, I scope it immediately and zero in on exactly what their specialty is. Then I become BFF with the owner and the barista who pulls the best shot. In my experience, I have found that shops who make the foamiest cappuccinos don't always craft espressos with the dreamiest crema. Maybe they're brewing La Colombe, but plating up a non-delicious croissant? Where's the soy milk? I have yet to find a well-rounded house of beans and base all decisions on what I'm jonesing at the moment. Since I'm ten minutes away from virtually any den of caffeine sin, I can be a choosy bitch.

If I'm after iced, I go straight for Old City Coffee. When I want a vegan pastry with my cuppa, it's Benna's or Red Hook, Canvas or One Shot. Vietnamese café, thicker than blood? I'm a minute away. The meanest espresso? That'd be Ray's or Chapterhouse. And for straight up coffee or Americanos, Blue in Green has buzz.

So what could possibly draw me to Cafe Grindstone, Queen Village's one-of-many cafes? There's a disco ball hanging over a turntable set-up. Giant iced coffees can be ordered with coffee ice cubes. Sword-sharpening on the premises makes it a two-for-one deal. Yes, that's a bottle of agave nectar on the counter, next to the chalkboard that offers Unchicken salad and bagels with vegan cream cheese.

This may end my quest to become the Anthony Bourdain of Coffee.

Cafe Grindstone, 622 S 5th St

"Vegetarain" Looks Like Veggie Terrain To Me

Every time I watch Anton Shuford's Illanights, I realize that dude's lifestyle is in tune to mine. In this episode, he caps his night at David's Mai Lah Wah. The background antics in the video are characteristic to David's, if you've ever been. And why haven't you been? There are enough veg consumables there to warrant repeat trips.

If you can look past the unfortunate spelling of vegetarain on the menu, there's an entire list of bean curd (tofu), mei fun, and moo shu for you to tackle. What's the main attraction here? David's is open until 3 AM weeknights and 4 AM on weekends.

David's Mai Lah Wah, 1001 Race St