Veg Way Out: Chicago

The view of Lake Michigan from our hotel window
In the Second City, the agenda is as follows: Maintain body heat. Engage in all activities known to slow the loss of it. Do not for one second think that you have any power at all. You are here to be manhandled.

The cities I choose to embark upon are always the ones that strip me of my insolence.

And they pretty much always have an uppermost elite hockey team and mountains of vegetarian grazing.

Of course we could not depart without a minor flight delay that sent us to Chickie & Pete's in the airport for crab fries (veg your heart out).



Sir Collin from Phoodie sent us to Gino's East for our First Deep Dish Experience. I started to eat it backwards. This is the No. 1 Way To Feel Warm & Full, according to me.



Brunchtime led us to Orange, home of orange-flavored coffee, fruishi, and pancake flights that change weekly.



The veggie bbq sandwich at the Smoke Daddy was only disappointing when I realized that it wasn't seitan-based. But smother a veggie burger in that special sauce and dress it with slaw and I'll play along. Sweet potato fries and banana pudding come correct.



On spur of the moment alone, we found ourselves at the Russian and Mexi-staffed Beef & Brandy, where the veggie skillet comes pinned by neon eggs, the chilaquiles are chased with an odd garnish of pineapple, and hash browns are golden starches. None of this should be special at a house of beef, but damn.

Damn it is.

As planned, we headed to the Chicago Diner, one of the most notorious vegetarian restaurants in the country, and dug right in with cookie dough soy shakes made with Temptations vegan ice cream. Seitan chicken nuggets were nicely crisp, but the real mind-melter was the veggie Reuben with bright pink fake pastrami on marbled rye. I added a side of seitan bbq wings and was intensely proteined out. But I still managed a bite of the veggie beef and cheddar, which reminded me of Arby's, and some mashed potatoes and gravy. By no means healthy, it was my 100% RDA of Cold Blocker. We swooned for this spot and took two pieces of vegan cake for the road. Or the hotel room and champagne evening that lay ahead of us.





Room service breakfast with a mini churro and leftover vegan cake (Carrot and Cookies & Cream).


Chicago would not let us go without checking out the Violet Hour. A canceled flight allowed us to slip by the hidden speakeasy on our extra night. Think Philly's Apothecary (now APO) with much tighter cocktail control and a more thoughtful, sexier-faced crowd. They put on a real show at the bar, and good thing, since cell phones are not allowed to be used and standing is not tolerated. You wait for seating at the bar or one of the extremely-high-backed, grandpa-gone-hip chairs and order Pimms Cups and Tom Collinses as they should come. We sampled a pretty bit of the drink menu along with mini veggie sandwiches on sourdough, and raved over the shape of the ice cubes, which was another way that Chicago does cold right.

Veg Out:: Mi Lah

I was so healthy while I was reviewing this.

Strip Mall Indian

Don't read this post unless you have a car and are picking me up because we're going here.

Garlic chili cheese dosa

Paneer chili

Fenugreek paratha

Taj India

You+Me=Us

The Original Cupcake Hater Turns into Vegan Marshmallow Fluff for CakeKraft

How did I get here? I have a box of vegan cupcakes to contend with, and over a dozen gilded-ribbon-and-cellophane-wrapped cookies from Michelle Poole of CakeKraft, a bespoke bakery that deals out gluten-free, vegan, and/or all-natural requests. Poole can make you a Vanilla Bean Buttercream cupcake, but it'll show off real vanilla bean specks, with no imitation extract or partially hydrogentated oils. Sorry, Isgro's.

What can I make? I can make a really tall man eat a petite dark chocolate cupcake in front of me, smooth chocolate ganache and white candy heart, tout complet.

First thing I noticed about Michelle's sweets collection (that she was kind enough to drop off on her way to dinner in Philly) was her slick packaging. DIY chic. This isn't the handiwork of your vegan commune that you convinced to wrap in exchange for free tastings. Michelle transports using professional cupcake boxes with her own labels, and her cookies were packed like thoughtful Xmas gifts from someone way more domestic than I.

On to the tasting. Even I mumbled a semblance of an aw at the wee cakelets. Need I remind you that part-time this blog moonlights as Fear & Loathing Cupcakes in Las Veggies? I've never met a cupcake that I want to eat again. Even Steven Wells feels me on this.

But the Cakekraft cake was MOIST. It had a fresh-baked taste of deepest chocolate and was not a bomb of sugar. Overall, I did not want to yell at it. But I only finished half, because I'm a jerk and I can't change. Plus, I was eyeing the vegan cookies the entire time.

I carefully chose a Chocolate Chip Cookie and bit into it thoughtfully. If this was the best it got, then Michelle was okay in my blog, but I was not going to get CakeKraft tattooed on my chest or anything.


Next, I learned that the Double Dark Chocolate are the kind of cookies you fight with a gold bow to take out of the package for. You ride a chocolate elevator down to the basement, where the very darkest of it lurks. These are sexually fantastic, and if you come over tomorrow, there will be none for you.

Although I already found a favorite, I still had to try the Monster Oatmeal Raisin & Chocolate. Were they made with Monster energy drink? NO, but they were breakfast cookie clusters that'd be ideal to wake up to.



It wasn't until Saturday morning that we got around to the sugar cookies. A foolish wait, as the sprinkle-dusted suckers were packing some serious punch. A berry-filled sugar cookie? That is crafty.

To summarize, I enjoyed the cookies over the cakes, by far. The chewiness and quality of the chocolate were what I look for in a cookie, even if the buttery and full-fat mouthfeel of a superprocessed, monster-sized cookie is what sells these days. CakeKraft's desserts don't feel overly decadent, but lend just enough sweetness to cover the tab.

Veg In: Slice

Look closer and you can spot the vegan cheese
Cracker-thin crust does not come much slimmer than the discs at South Philly's Slice.

Think of pie you find on every corner far, far, FAR from the City of Pizza. Those doughy, low-qual pizzeria fronts are still charming with their greasy, so-so productions. They do in a pinch. They are how families get fed for days.

Then you have Slice, where they aim to elevate the simple pizza with crust that actually has snap to it. I did not warm to Slice at first. I wanted gooey cheesy pie from the Mexican pizzeria that also makes tacos. Slice just does not swoop in to take care of that craving.

They will, however, consider your request for vegan cheese and whole wheat crust on their veggie pie. If only they could do it right. At $15 for a small (closer to medium) pizza, I expected a generous amount of vegan mozzarella stretched over my giant cracker. As you can see from the pie chart, there are perhaps six tiny blobs of cheese on there, with 60% onion.

It's like they could tell that I'm not vegan and were mocking me for ordering a Health Pizza. Or a Veggie Blogger Pizza. The Skinny White.

I had to dismantle half of it to have enough energy for this post.

Slice, 10th & Federal

Introducing...Your New All-Sugar Vegan Diet

I had to coach myself into selecting only savory lunchings at Essene's Buffet of Hot. Normally, this is not tough, as Essene's overpriced veggie renderings are generally satisfying (it all tastes like health food, but some of us like the taste of health food). After creating a mountain of some seitan stew concoction, steamed kale, and roasted vegetables, balanced by a hunk of 50 cent focaccia (total: $7, not too bad this time), I wandered past Sweet & Sara's vegan s'mores, a rare finding that I've only seen in NYC. I almost got one to review, but I don't even fancy s'mores. Though, they looked an incredible treat. I eyed up some vegan baklava, another new sighting, but then I decided you're on your own there, too. There are vegan CakeKraft samples being delivered to LotV tomorrow. We have to be prepared.

Unlikely Granola

I guess you saw this coming, but naturally, my favorite bite off the Tinto brunch menu was the granola.

Speaking of things to eat, can someone make sense of the whorehouse formerly known as vegetarian restaurant for me?

Veg Out: Carman's Country Kitchen

Everything you've heard about Carman's is true. Or at the very least, worth investigating.

Hold on tight to one of the four menu items that are adjusted every Saturday, according to whim. Only stop to sip the custom blend coffee, which would cause one to drain La Colombe. Breakfast potatoes must be ordered, easily the simplest choice and justly exacted. Other french toasters should pay attention: Carman's custardy french toast needs very little syrup and is not exhaustive or daunting. The menu reflects the restaurant, a diner that does not stop adding to itself, that changes face each week, but always with the same base.

More important are the hands that set this morning to mid-afternoon stage. Confidence comes from the kitchen. The crew at Carman's asks your name, but they're not up your ass. They run a good show with balls and just enough curves, from the packets of sugar in breast mugs (sugar tits) to the charges per plate of homestyle cooking ($12). If they were cheaper, there'd be no room in this kitchen for you.

Carman's Country Kitchen
11th & Wharton
Open Fri.-Mon., 8am-2pm