Veg Out: Chifa

Aji 'shrooms
Every morsel of Garcesian food that crossed my lips at Chifa can be traced back to a previous gustatory moment.

Chifa, for those that avoid 7th & Chestnut, is where Peruvian meets Cantonese, provided by the golden touch of chef/restaurateur Sir Jose Garces.

Those fried cheese rolls with the guava sang like Pillsbury honey butter biscuits from a can. A million times more grown-up, now with guava butter icing.

One tangerine ginger caipirinha rang not quite like the Brazilian refreshment it borrowed from, and everything like Baby Shower Punch. It was on the weak side, but also on the side of delicious and gingery. I happen to think highly of Baby Shower Punch.

Some of the items can be modified veg, like the desayuno from the bocatas category, or a few of the rice and noodle dishes. I chose to stick within vegetable boundaries and found justice and satisfaction.

A salad of white cabbage leaves was prime for sharing, roughage that made sense for more than one person. The sesame brittle and chile vinaigrette spoke from the thai salads of my day.

Over to the Chinese broccoli, representing the classic broccoli in garlic sauce that most of us know and love.

The aji mushrooms, once you cracked through the pastry blanket on top, was akin to a jacked-up cream of mushroom soup. Tofu and potato just shut up and let mushroom have its way. This is a rich and voluptuous addition to the vegetable section.

The yuca fries were the highlight for me, like the most sophisticated spicy cheese fries I've met. I mean no disrespect at all, only that "cheese fry" is the strongest description I can apply here.

Scallion pancakes were windless and bland in comparison to the other tastes, as if there was a call for balance. I found my final comforts in a green tea cake dessert, sandwiched layers of casual-cool melon and mascarpone. I thought of the green tea swiss rolls that I find in Chinatown bakeries. To my added delight, dinner was signed with complimentary rice cakes topped with edible paper dragons. Like a less-sweet take on a Rice Krispies treat, except that you can walk away with self-respect, and plenty of admiration for the kitchen.

Chifa, 707 Chestnut St.,

In the Kitchen w/ Kelly: Crabless Cakes

I have never tried crab and can't say I plan on it. My only experience with faux crustacean was a veggie crab croquette special at the Royal Tavern a year ago. I recall that it was delicious. I assumed that Connie's Zucchini Crab Cakes wouldn't be anything like the real thing, and that I would not have a frame of reference to go by, anyway. Still, dash Old Bay on something fried and it pleases me.

After collecting zucchini, onion, lemon, and a loaf of crusty Sarcone's bread from Sue's Produce Market on 18th St., we set to work on the zucchini cakes. The recipe was a breeze, the bulk of the work in shredding the veg into mountains of zuke. They came together nicely, with the recipe for 5 servings yielding a dozen patties.



We placed the patties on a towel to soak up the extra oil. Crispy on each side, the green middles were lush and delicate. I whipped up a quick dijon tartar using lemon juice, dijon mustard, and Vegenaise to taste, which we spread on Sarcone's for a po'boy style meal.

When three sticks of zucchini becomes heaven
The zesty cakes were met with acceptance by a crab-card-carrying judge. "This isn't zucchini," he added, demanding to know exactly what I had added. The Old Bay bread crumbs had pulled tricks. So while the odds are slim that I'll ever try crab, it must be some kind of tasty.

The Vegetarian Gateway

When I find that someone is unfamiliar with veg cuisine and genuinely curious about what I'm eating, I take their skepticism and whisk it into sauce.

With this sauce, I coat thoroughly the unknown fruit, vegetable, grain, or fantastical treat that is up for questioning. I hold it forth nonchalantly, ever so close, but far enough that the first-timer's mouth must make the final leap. I present with a basic definition, a minor suggestion, and tell it like it is. I never say "Oh, it's just like _______." Because it's not, and I won't compare the two separate dining styles.

It is whatever food it happens to be, and you have to try it to know.

Take into account level of experience. This is a swift calculation of how many times your taster has visited a farmer's market divided by their hometown and the square root of the last time they went to Chili's. If they've come this far without encountering edamame, all you can do is make your best offer in a tasteful way.

You push anyone and you're a shitty rep of the veg. You're about as progressive as the brother-in-law who taunts you at the Thanksgiving table.

There's a reason that seitan is rapidly spreading on menus all across the city, and that my omni peers consume more of it than I do. When a naysayer and self-proclaimed foodie (these people are never actually "foodies")succumbed to a piece of seitan cheesesteak at the POPE, she didn't love it. She ate it and shrugged and stopped acting defensive. That's enough for me.

It's not about flashing your vegan badge or waving your meat flag. You should want people to try new things for the sake of experience and for the pleasure of including them in whatever wonders may lurk on your own plate. Excruciating as that is sometimes. It's a little less so when your entree speaks for itself, as some of the following plates do. This is my list of Ultimate Vegetarian Gateway Food, those concoctions that snare reluctant omnivores into vegan jello. (FYI, you can make vegan jello with agar flakes).

• The Grilled Seitan at Horizons: I have yet to meet a single omni who criticizes this dish. In fact, most of 'em go back for it, and then use it as that one talking point to show how veg-open they are.

• Seitan wings at El Camino Real: Omnis love these more than I do. I actually had to be convinced that they were the best veggie wings in town (I'm oddly into the ones at the Belgian Cafe, even though they're a tad on the sweet, non-spicy side).

• Vegan Treats: I'm blatantly ovo-lacto, so I can eat cake and pastry liberally, but I rarely indulge unless it's a Vegan Treat or my own creation. Most vegan baked goods are too dry, but then, so are the bulk of regular desserts. About half of my friends are bakers, and we are still trying to figure out why Vegan Treats stand out so much. How many of us have attempted a Chocolate Peanut Butter Bomb and failed? And how many of us are terrified to try?

• The Tofu Hoagie/Banh Mi: Notoriously cool-pointed lunch of anyone who has a single existing tastebud. If you haven't had one, you've heard dedicated squeals about how bewitching these sandwiches are.

• The Falafel: Same as the banh mi, except easier to acquire and more of a widespread phenom. Everyone yums this up unless it's my grandfather, who once bit into my falafel thinking it was a roast beef sandwich. Then he spit it out and complained about how spicy it was. My heart broke when I peered into the fridge expecting my sandwich to be there and found out that I would not be having falafel that day.

• Veggie Burger at National Mechanics: I once sat a table with some meat-swearing gastronomes who ordered the wildly popular veggie burger at the only sane bar in Old City, simply because they're fans. They also drank bacon vodka with it, but you can't ask for too much.
  

God & a Buncha Mexican Wrestlers in a Cup

Over at 21st St., we've been knocking back an informative read, Michaele Weissman's God in a Cup: The Obsessive Quest for the Perfect Coffee. For anyone drinking Counter Culture, this book is the shortcut way to meet co-owner and buyer Peter Giuliano. It's the inside on the buying practices of all those roasters you like to name-check. If you're even the slightest bit serious about your joe practices, you should bone up with this. The author takes me to the farms that I am drinking from. She's matter-of-fact and unassuming, and it's easy to become absorbed.

Also on our knock-back agenda, we are sipping Los Luchadores, a coffee that Distrito should serve immediately. Heavy indeed, the beans are jumbo, larger than most. This is a savory, smoky hit, described as muscular.

I know people who won't consider specialty coffee because they don't think it's affordable, but we've actually saved cash by having Counter Culture delivered (avg. $12 a bag and $5 shipping, lots of $5 coupon encouragement). We are less tempted to drink outside of home because the quality just isn't there.

Want to pick it up on the way home? Spruce St. Espresso usually has a good assortment of Counter Culture beans, and Lovers & Madmen Lounge brews it up, too.

Cloudy Pies

It took me two tries to nail a butterscotch meringue pie (who knew that butterscotch was such a delicate thing?) but it taught me a few things:

1) My butter crust is no fail and holds up, even to the most disastrous fillings. Experimentation has shown that it's best with unsalted butter rather than my old standby, Earth Balance.

2) Meringue is like lingerie on an already stunning woman.

3) Vegan pie is nowhere near as exciting because of these two tokens, but when someone shares the secret to vegan meringue and I unleash it with my nut-based or Trader Joe-Joe vegan cookie crusts, it'll be a fine hour.

4) Butterscotch is a real mystery, but the basis is actually brown sugar and butter, as much as we want to toss in Scotch.

5) Failure is imminent. You should always have extra eggs or egg replacer.

Big Mac News

Yes, they still make Luna bars and brothers Clif...with new flavors dropping from the sky each day. I got my hands on a Luna White Chocolate Macadamia bar as a pre-workout snack. There haven't been many bars in my life lately. I think of them as little vessels of nutritional desperation. I prefer the fruit-packed ones (Lara, Clif Nectar) as they fall under my philosophy of simple food with low ingredients. I've been known to make my own grain, nut, and seed packed convenience bars, but give me a piece of good chocolate (not white, though) and a handful of macadamia nuts instead. I'd be okay there. You might even say I enjoy the bits and pieces. Just not those bits and pieces.

Clif, too, has joined the macadamia mayhem by putting out their own White Chocolate Macadamia bar. Since both brands fall from the same company, I'm guessing there's a serious mac crush going around. So which chock fulla did I prefer?

Clif, easily. He's always been the heartier of the two, the less candy-like. Luna's packaging is all shiny and yoga-chick-friendly, while Clif is built for vegan messengers that we live to hate. It's just that Clif sticks with me longer. Especially in this mac-off.

Latte Happy Hour

If you frequent the fair, fair 'Mount, it's easy to be discouraged by the lack of coffee bars. Rather than invite you over, I implore you to make your way to Flying Saucer for Latte Happy Hour, which runs from 4-5pm on weekdays. Your steamy milky ways can be had for half price, which almost makes you feel like you're not poor. You might even allow yourself one of those lovely vegan cookies to go with.

Pop by their website if you have any doubts. It's a sure perk.

Flying Saucer, 2545 Brown St., www.theflyingsaucer.net

On another side of town, the hours are always happy. If you want to drink like a king and feel it, there's another option I am willing to share. I shall say it a million times and then another one. Spruce Street Espresso bangs out the most undeniable soy latte I have ever met. Worth every one of its four dollars, it drives me to such an inspired high that I want to chuck everything and hire its baristi for my own personal use.

Spruce Street Espresso, Do Not Even ASK

Double Scoop

As we walked out of Horizons the other night, we wondered about the downstairs, which is never open anymore, and I mentioned that I'd like to see a lunch menu. That was when we took notice of a sign that promised outdoor seating to come.

Because that wasn't enough, I read this today about Horizon's upcoming Saturday lunch menu, with plans to re-open the downstairs. One of my reigning favorite dining destinations just gets even better.

In other veg scoop, there's an unconfirmed rumor that another vegetarian eatery in town is morphing into a Chinese restaurant in a few weeks. This would be a tad mysterious if we actually had more than a handful of vegetarian grub shacks around. It's always unfortunate to lose one.

In Defense of the Humble Cheese Hoagie

Done right, the entity known as the cheese hoag is more than a simple meatless sub and vegetarian starter food. It becomes a veritable torpedo of protein. Beyond the beloved Wawa cheese Shorti, there are other entry points of fascination into this curdled dreamworld.

The type of cheese hoagie I can vouch for contains more than a hair of lettuce. It is not a brick of cheese slapped onto a hoagie roll. The cheese is sliced ultra-thin, lovingly fanned on top of a contrasting variety of cheese. There are three cheeses involved, all of them usual suspects. No fancy shit, please. Not here.
Mayonnaise is detectable, but not overpowering. All other components are judicious. Bread has strength on the outside but is not overly crusty, yielding to an inner softness, just a touch of sogginess where pickle has come to lay.

For vegans, the path leads to Citimarket Place (1318 Walnut St.) for the Mixed Soy Cheese Hoagie w/ Vegenaise. Their roll collection is near exquisite. Want Soy Crisps with that?

Chickie's (1014 Federal St.), while known for their supreme veggie hoagie, is a haven for cheese purists. Selections here include mozzarella only, prov or sharp prov only (there is indeed a difference), American only, or mixed cheese. There's real hoagie conviction in the air at Chickie's, and they use Sarcone's rolls.

Another cheese medium you can believe in awaits at Old Nelson (the deli that Arthur Kade hangs out in when he's not blogging). The balance of cheese to pickle is harmonious, and the bread is more substantial than most soft hoagie material. I'm almost certain they'll do anything you want here.

And you. Always you. Which paper-sheathed sword of bread and cheese do you fight hunger with?

Free Sample Friday: ViB

ViB (pronounced vibe) is the latest in an assault of boutique beverages with unclear benefits. Caffeinated beverages certainly have their place, and diet drinks will always sell on no-calorie acoustics alone. But where does Vacation in a Bottle come in? After receiving some cans of the 60-calorie refresher, made with cane sugar, I studied the label, took a few tentative sips, and wondered. The caffeine-free beverage is a fizzy drink with a hint of pomegranate juice. It's not much of a pick-me-up. It doesn't contain enough of the B-3, B-6, and B-12 vitamins to appeal to me as a vegetarian in need of those minerals (45% per can). There doesn't seem to be a reason to choose this over water, the true thirst-quencher, or the relaxing carbonation of a diet ginger-ale from Hansen's (gingery perfection).

According to the press release,

"ViB contains no caffeine, no sodium, no melatonin, is loaded with Vitamins B3, B6 and B12 and contains the amino acids, L-threonine in addition to L-theanine yet it remains low in calories, carbohydrates and sugar. This unique blend helps create a natural change in body chemistry that enhances focus, rejuvenates, relaxes without causing drowsiness, enhances clarity, and positively affects mood while not sacrificing for taste. Recent studies are also finding that it can even reduce hyperactivity in children with ADHD and autism.

Simply put, I don't get it. Neither does the rest of my sampling committee. If they took out the calories or added more nutritional benefits to the drink, then I'd reconsider. For mood-altering drink, I'll stick with the tried-and-true. As it stands, I get enough liquid happiness in my life.

Thanks for the samples and the charming postcard that came along with them. I wish I was there, too.

Help, There's a Vegetarian at the Dinner Party...

My manfriend's hand is available for puns
Another dinner party, another triumphant experiment with seitan. This time, we added our voted-Most-Popular-Protein to the meat grinder attachment on the Kitchen-Aid mixer. The idea: make regular sliders for the meatheads, and seitan for the...me.

The challenge lies mostly in securing miniature buns (Whole Foods: fail). Trader Joes usually has a few types, and we chose the stoneground wheat for our platter of Jr. burgers. White Castle can eat it.

Mix the seitan with some bread crumbs after grinding it and shape some tiny patties, and you're good to go. We added some goat cheese rounds that ended up being the perfect size, along with cheddar, micro greens, onion, tomato, and a schmear of Vegenaise. While Mt. Man attended to grilling, I baked some sweet potato fries hit with a simple dress of oil and salt.

Once again, the seitan stole the show.

Veg Out: El Camino Real

It's taken me months to sort out my feelings for El Camino Real.

Most of them drunken, rendering me unable to trust my gut.

My first visit fell on New Years Eve, which automatically discounts it because you reckon my experience was most likely hellish. Not so, however, as we nailed some prime seating at the bar and were able to tuck into seitan wings, guacamole, and a seitan smokehouse platter without complaints. The wings came out with top remarks, whereas my platter was shy of what I wanted it to be. I'd had my heart set on potato salad and baked beans as sides, but neither one was vegetarian. But the seitan was all over the place like a gentle promise, and it was prepared brilliantly.

You all know how some places can screw over seitan because they don't know how to cook it.

El Camino may have stuck that, but they upset on the pecan pie. I wanted the original, they sent out a hockey puck of nuts. Good thing I wasn't there for dessert. A dose of Don Julio '42 righted that wrong.

I kept with drinks for my next sessions at ECR, finding that at the Walmart-like prices, no finer margarita could even approach.

On my last visit, after the rollercoaster of review by both local weeklies, we walked into an El Camino that was rocking with birthday tables. Margaritas and birthdays, margaritas and everything. I would never argue against this drinking situation.

I swept my eyes to the Mexican side of the menu and opted for the chile rellenos, made with seitan. That's respect from the kitchen right there. We also had the seitan wings again, which get better and better each time. I wasn't in love with my rellenos, but I found it satisfying and inventive. I almost asked the green salsa to be my girlfriend. Once I find the burrito that's mine, I will probably convert Real with an absoluteness.

El Camino Real, Liberties Walk, www.bbqburritobar.com