GirlSnacks: Sara & Lara

There are a lot of men out there who probably grip on Sweet & Sara S'mores at the Foodery while building a sixer . I mean, why else would they sell them there? Since the veganized marshmallow pies first showed up in Philadelphia last year, I've seen them at healthis (health food delis) everywhere. The $4 chocolatiers are kept refrigerated, a perfect cold smack of sugar on a sauna-like day. They come in original or peanut butter. Some places even carry the flavored vegan marshmallows (cinnamon pecan, strawberry, insane-looking variety pack). If you're a guy and you regularly eat these, high five. There is nothing sexier than a man with a vegan treat in one hand and a cold bottle in the other.


Up there in the realm of sexy, is a woman with a LaraBar. This might conjure up a makeup-less yoga-pantsed woman that you see in whole grain cereal commercials, but cool yourself. It's still hot. Laras are a million times more virile than Lunas. Also, to be real, we know that men eat these things. We've witnessed it. I picked up new flavors the other day: Tropical Fruit Tart, Peanut Butter & Jelly, and Jocalat German Chocolate Cake. The Tropical bar is a smack of orange with undertones of coconut and you can bet I will pack a bunch of them for my upcoming trip to Germany. I'm not too worried about finding great food over there, but it's like veg constitution to have a Clif or Lara at the ready whenever you leave the country or venture into the Midwest. Or, say, Kensington, still.

The Most Effed Up Sweet Potato Roll in the Sushi-verse

Man, do I love it and pay me some for it.

This monster of a roll on the radio at Hikari in Liberties Walk is $8 ($9.50 with brown rice, the way I do it). Considering that my all-time favorite sweet potato roll is by Vic Sushi for under $4, I wondered how it could be worth it.

Then I saw it. Obese slabs of avocado, MANGO, and sweet potato tempura, with a pale green wrapper. It cuts into my workday with a bright lunch hello. I know how people are about sweet potatoes in the fall, but they really do something for me year-round. BBQs with sweet potato fries...and now this summery-looking sushi.

Hikari, Liberties Walk

First Times: PYT

There's still plenty of development going on at PYT, but here's a first impression.

What seems like a vegan's nightmare (burgers, milkshakes, lobster fishsticks) is really more flexible than a 14-year-old gymnast. There's hot fried stuff for everyone.

Take the 'Shroom Burger, two portabellos deep-friend and stuffed with cheddar lava, sprinkled with Kettle chips and fried onions, on a toasted potato bun. Sock it to me again, but I'd add tomato next time for a little bit of acidity.

There's also a white bean and basil veggie burger that I'll get to next time. The distance between PYT and I looks like this.


The Ten Dollar Milkshakes (pumped up with shots) are mighty and so dairy-fied that they were a little intimidating to a couple of soy-milk drinkers. We were curious, though, so we sampled the Double Espresso that our friend could not finish. It made a point of being delicious and the prettiest girl at the table, all in one glass. How many of these do you need to get toasted? That's another post.

As if we really required more fried calories in one day, the extremely crispy french fries showed up in a clear paper bag glistening with oil. They were crunchy little bits, tossed with herbs, in a seemingly endless quantity.

Because I love us, I promise not to eat here every day. But it might be pretty often.

PYT at the Piazza, 1050 Hancock St.

Veg Out: Taco Riendo

The first time I had vegetarian tacos at Taco Riendo, I knew very little about tacos. I mean, I hadn't even lived in South Philly yet. I was whiter than tofu. All of my Czech blood overrides my Spanish left ass cheek.

Then I spent two years where over half my meals involved beans and rice and had no need to amble up North for some taco grease. Big mistake. I had forgotten how meticulous Taco Riendo was at providing me with happiness.

Vegetarian Taco: First up, I revisited the original bliss of the vegetarian taco. It was overstuffed with shredded lettuce, but underneath, it was damn near flawless.

Truck Driver Taco: Next to that, I had a "truck driver" taco with scrambled egg and jalapenos. Adjust the heat to your limit with the red or green salsa for a colorful and deadly ensemble.

Rice & Beans Plate: Always a good time, no matter what you're in for. Riendo's rice is zesty and orange-tinged, the hue of my blood when hockey season starts. Their black beans are purely vegetarian and free of lard, and again, Flyers colors. How could you not?

There's outdoor space, grilled corn on a cob, and breakfast burritos of many kinds. It sounds like Cantina, but with less drunk table-hoarding and fake meat. And it was here first. It's pure North Philly taco. You can show up at 9am and have it to yourself. Nobody thinks you're there just for the margaritas.

Taco Riendo, 1301 N. 5th St.

The 2nd St. Special: Covered in Soy Cheese and Speedwell / Juniper Extracts

Every turn I take, soy cheese awaits, from the processed Veggie Slices in a curious smoked provolone flavor that should taste like plastic but are oddly, well, nice, to the soy cheesy sandwiches proffered at the Palm Market. This time, it was the veggie chicken (they use a chicken-style seitan) on multigrain roll with soy cheese, Vegenaise, honey mustard, tomato, and lettuce that I took home. I passed by the Foodery intending to add some fermentation to my quick bite, discovering the Fentimans brand of beverages on sale there. The "botanically brewed" drinks shouted out their distinction from a lineup of otherwise familiar bottles. A stranger recommended the Shandy, but I was drawn to the Mandarin and Seville Orange Jigger.
That throaty ginger snap with a lovely sediment made stuff register like I was drinking just-squeezed juice at a deadhead co-op owner's house party. Imagine what it could do for a cheap flute of bubbly on the way to Mimosa.

Palm Market, 717 N 2nd St.
Foodery, 837 N 2nd St.

Cake Shots: Whipped Bakeshop

I have the biggest crush on Whipped Bakeshop right now. We ordered a chocolate-whiskey cake with caramel-whiskey buttercream, Jack-Daniels-style for a whiskey-lovin' birthday fool. That's a dowel in the middle to make the cake bottle stand up. The best part was the bottle top, which was half cake that we all took giant bites from. There was cake on the floor and dye on our hands, and we loved every second.

We continued our vegetarian birthday crawl at the Franklin (totally vegetarian bar, they serve no food at all) and then El Camino Real (double order of seitan wings for the table. seitan taco salads. potato/cactus burritos. seitan chile rellenos. seitan nachos. shots of Don Julio 1942. pecan pie mountain). Then, another vegetarian bar: 700 Club. A martini is a salad and you know this.

Vegetarian Burrito Wisdom from the West Coast

I've been saying that Los Jalapenos is the closest to sex that you can get with your clothes on.

The Wizard gives it a 7 on the vegetarian burrito scale. El Tonayense, my favorite taqueria in SF, scores only slighter higher. I feel you. Are you my great burrito cousin?

Burrito Wisdom: A Vegetarian Burrito Quest
Veg Out: Taqueria Los Jalapenos

Yogorino Opens in Time to Offset BBQ Intake

At last, Yogorino, the Italian yogurt shop that we have all walked by and wondered when and if would ever start operations, has come of age. Last night's soft opening proved that yogurt can overcome.

There is one flavor, original, and honestly, they can stop there. This is by far the creamiest frozen yogurt I have sampled in my extensive research. It has a faint beat of vanilla and is very similar in body to gelato. It makes those other yogurt places look like bad ex-boyfriends.

The interior is not vomit-inducing, but rather serene and mature. The toppings bar might seem familiar at first with all of the usual suspects (chopped fruits, sprinkles, granola) but there are some special toss-ins to consider here: dessert sauces in admirable flavors like pistachio or dark chocolate toffee. Obviously I wanted to stain my yogurt with green and chose the pistachio. The yogurt is extraordinary plain and needs nothing, since the blue plastic cups and spoons are more visually appealing than any amount of crushed up cookie.

I want to go back and repeat this.

Yogorino, 20th and Locust

Veg Out NYC: Rockin Raw

Lunch was one spelt vanilla mint cupcake from vegan/gluten-free/refined-sugar-free bakeshop, Babycakes, in LES, with a Stumptown coffee. The specialist's indulgence. Anne Hathaway walked out with agave-sweetened cupper and male chaperone in tow. The throng of people that we assumed were there to chow on healthcakes dissipated in her wake.

The cake was a little more satisfying. This was the ideal adult cupcake. Drink real-stuff coffee with it and you're almost the kind of person who is above the mention of actors they've spotted.

Dinner, of all places, had to be Rockin Raw because I'd been long overdue for a raw trial. I've consumed raw fare (as we all commonly have), but never had a full dining experience. New York has a lot more to offer raw foodists and has several that are on my hit list. Rockin Raw is the newest option in Williamsburg, with a fully vegan and live menu, executed in what they describe as Peruvian and New Orleanian Creole.

Most of our party of four are oddly fond of me, enough to let their NYC trip turn into a raw vegan affair. Two of us are vegetarian, one is a part-timer that regularly trips to Horizons and rips into seitan anything, and one is a carnivore that had to be heavily persuaded before dinner. "How set are you on this Williamsburg thing?" was the theme of the night.

The interior is small, typical Brooklyn dinner cave, with lots of plants and garden seating that was closed because of a mosquito problem. We decided on three appetizers: flax chips with dip, the Rockin Roll with jicama, avocado, and cauliflower, and "crab" cakes with dill sauce. The chips were thin, flat crackers and should have been a complimentary starter, not a $9 app. The roll strongly mimicked sushi with cauliflower "rice", but there was one piece left over that someone reluctantly finished. The zucchini cakes were quite tiny, not something to be shared.

Both vegetarians oddly went for the Raw Boy Sandwich of “Tuna” with Cajun Mayo. The table decided that it did not taste like tuna, yet did have some zest, and that the manna bread (a sprouted bread that is baked under low heat for a long time) was just not cutting it. The other two split a live pasta dish with Huancaina (Peruvian yellow pepper). The pasta was actually spiraled zucchini and I thought it made for an incredible stand-in. I don't eat pasta or rice very often because it feels like a game of hockey in my stomach and would consider substituting like this at home. The plate was basically a mound of spicy vegetables, something that has grand appeal to me, and that all of us should partake in more often.

Since Rockin Raw does not serve alcohol, we ordered a round of cookies and cream nut milk shakes. The shakes were not cold enough and the almond milk was so nutty that you could not sip it straight. I did like the not-too-sweet flavor and the undercurrent of cacao nibs, but wished my drink was smoother and much colder. I drank a third of it and immediately winked at the dessert case.

This was a cashew-lover's game. There was a nice selection of raw cashew-based truffles (one of the simplest ways to make truffles), three kinds of cashew and coconut ice cream (vanilla, lucuma, and mint chocolate chip), lucuma cheesecake made with cashews, and an assortment of cookies and cobblers. The lucuma ice cream was made with lucuma fruit, which tastes like a mix of coffee and caramel. The cheesecake was something I'd go back for easily, a dense wedge that tasted like peanut butter with a fudgy layer of lucuma and a fruity date crust.

I was full but not overwhelmed and felt great for the rest of the night. The others were not so impressed. They were more concerned with sacrificing certain ingredients and flavors in order to maintain a raw diet. As much as I love fully cooked and baked food, I am more inclined to try raw restaurants after this experience. The way I feel whenever I eat this way, it sticks with me a lot longer. Thinking about how I will feel afterwards has influenced a much healthier lifestyle in the past few years.

Yes, both names are embarrassing to say out loud.

Rockin Raw
178 N 8th St., Brooklyn

Babycakes, 248 Broome St.

Accidental Publish: I Will Never Post About the Franklin Mortgage

Must delete this post after one hour.

The Franklin Mortgage is my new summer lifestyle: all drink. lots of ice. no vodka. no food.