Dirty

You drift through Fu-Wah Mini Market on what I'm guessing is your lunch break, with a look on your face like your dog just died. I want to ask, did your dog just die? That, or you're the everyday hopeless. There are stains all over your brown Dickies and you have workboots on, like some kind of non-professional construction worker. It's a tofu hoagie wait. I know it. I want to wait with you. The air is showered with doubt and a 90% chance of I could be wrong.

I toss my Dirty chips onto the counter. Salt & Vinegar, in a purple package. I always say purple chips. I pull out way too many dollars when I only need one. He asks if I want a bag. The one with the salty carbs in it should do.

"I'm cool, thanks." I leave the store like that, you and your sundry accoutrements splayed before the cash register, me and the things that I really say when I flee a scene.

I smell a trolley in the air and find a corner. I have no qualms with pocketing my desires. I finish peoples sentences when they talk, like I know. I should let you complete.

I play out the preparation of your tofu hoagie in my mind, but it takes too long. Maybe the sandwich is at the stage of being cast in white paper. Money could be changing hands. You're probably fumbling for change. I don't see you come out until you're all up in my crazy insane. There is no real look. You walk up 47th until you become a dot, and then I'm 16 for a second. My dog is dead.

It's the last week of November with yellow yellow trees. Their trunks are a deeper brown than the others, but it makes sense. You're dark inside, and then it goes up.

Veg Out: Bonte Wafflerie

You think Bonte is all about those sweet-smelling waffles? You'd be sorely mistaken. My French professor says that Bonte's are nothing like des gaufres a Bruxelles en Belgique. I can't complain, but they do grill a mean panini. There's the Panini Végéterien, an assembly of mozzarella, basil pesto and roasted red peppers on ciabatta, and the Liege, a pairing of Brie, beefsteak tomatoes, sun-dried tomato pesto and basil on ciabatta. I lunched on the latter with a companion, and we both agreed to never contemplate the waffles again.

Bonte Wafflerie
922 Walnut St.
1315 Walnut St.
1520 Locust St.
130 S. 17th St.

Vegan Donuts: The Novel

The saga continues...armed with the recent acquisition of a nonstick donut pan, a vegan recipe, and some hungry mouths willing to test a batch, I got to work. After a dusting of cinnamon sugar, the baked minis were quickly polished off by the unsuspecting. The "Btw, they're vegan," doesn't even surprise them anymore. After all of the dairy-free eats that I pass on, there's just this level of (cr)edibility. Here's the recipe: Vegan Doughnuts

Veg Out: The Belgian Cafe

Checking out the Belgian Cafe on an early Friday evening is not a bad idea. You'll beat the dinner rush, and there will be many servers flitting about, along with a promising group of vegan selections. The dining room, separate from the dark and gothic-style bar, was bright and open, with garish paintings taking up one wall and an interior that disrupted the Belgian concept. Not that I've been to La Belgique, but I was once quite intimate with one of their own and received the lowdown on the country's culture, if that counts.



The meal was surprisingly inexpensive, even though we went with 3 starters: Vegan Smoked Scallops, Vegan BBQ Chicken Wings, and to be complete in our tastings, the Pomme Frites. The "Scallops" were really pieces of smoked tofu wrapped in fake bacon and vegan caviar, but this dish was difficult to execute. The bacon did not seem particularly invested in securing the tofu, and the entire creation was easily rendered a mess if not carefully forked into. We moved on to the wings and forgave. The sweet-not-too-spicy BBQ sauce covered tender pieces of crusted seitan for the perfect bar snack. I'd order this again in a second, although it didn't come with the celery as described on the menu, just vegan aoli. The frites needed some work, but were tasty enough. As for the beer, there was a decent list of Belgian brews, as well as local varieties. I stuck with the Ephemere Apple and found it very refreshing.

After being pried away from the wings, I tucked into a Vegetarian Reuben sandwich, a feast of hearty seitan, melted swiss, tangy sauerkraut, and Goddess dressing on crusty bread. It was the ideal size for eating, as most sandwiches are too big for my freakishly small hands. It was served with a small salad topped with crunchy slaw.

My gastro-partners went with the Croque Monsieur, a basic toasted ham & cheese on sourdough bread, and the Bruegel burger with bacon and cheddar. You're so not interested. They also offer a vegan Spring Roll with tempeh, a vegan burger, and vegan Meatloaf, to be contended with in the future.


The Belgian Cafe, 21st & Green, 215.235.3500, www.thebelgiancafe.com

In Praise Of Seitan

The Inky drops in on Horizons, reminds me why my favorite resto is still on point, they chat up Thanksgiving, and Seitan Pot Roast is added to our culinary repertoire. Merci beaucoup.

No Meat Dishes That Add To Thanksgiving

Cinnamon Toast

It's one of the most influential spices around.

Vegans and cinnamon junkies alike recognize the power of a VT Cinnamon Bun. Giant rolls big enough to feed two, decadent enough that you'll never be satisfied by making your own. You need to consume the entire thing by yourself at least once to become a proper vegan badass. If you're less about icing and more about honey and nuts, spend your time with the sticky bun.

Available at coffeeshops that carry Vegan Treats, as well as Govinda's, I realize that VT should start paying me.

If You're Still Into Pumpkin...

Put the gingerbread down for a sec. Lotus Cake Studio's Vegan Pumpkin Cheesecake (available at Kingdom of Vegetarians or Red Hook) will keep you on the path of righteousness (or whatever the fuck your excuse is) this season.

Veg Out: Hershels East Side Deli

Vegans may have to stick with Kisses Knishes, but for the rest of us, there's always Hershels at the Reading Terminal Market for us half-ass vegetarians. My counter guy demanded that I eat it with mustard, although I don't even like the yellow stuff. He pumped a squirt of it onto my plate and dared me to argue. Kind of you, sir. I gave the condiment a shot on my spinach knish and surmised that it was already too late in life to change my tastes. Alas, I finished off the hearty jackpot of potato and spinach plain-style.

The Vegan Fourth Meal

The Protein Burrito at Essene is made to tackle extreme hunger. This monstrosity is holding rice, beans, tempeh strips, tofu sour cream, salsa, onions, avocado...and in case you need anything else, it's likely in there.

Philly's More Fun When You Eat Over

The Healthy Voyager knocks back a faux steak, concedes that Horizons is criminally superb, and checks out my favorite "roach coach". Not bad for a tourist: Fillin' Up In Philadelphia

Soy Latte Weather

Everybody's throwing back pumpkin spice but dare to be thinking ahead and order up the Gingerbread Mocha or Roasted Chestnut latte at Mugshots (2106 Fairmount Ave). Want to get even more ridiculous with your drink? Tuscany Cafe (222 W Rittenhouse Sq) is home of the Carrot Cake latte, and that steam is fo' real. Still not appeased? Rocket Cat's (2001 Frankford Ave) Maple Syrup latte is not as sweet as it sounds, but it's enough to get you in that lumberjack mindset quicker than thick socks and long johns. It even comes capped with a mountain of tofu whipped cream.