Confession: I Like Chocolate For Breakfast

As demonstrated previously, I believe one should start the day off with indulgence and dance it off later. I know that I'm not as exciting as Fire Crotch, but I try.

Now that we understand each other, there are two ways I've been kicking it right these a.m.s. Witness:

Heavenly Chocolate Bear Naked Granola

The latest flavor from all natural granola company Bear Naked is low in sugar but kicks in enough smart carbs and fiber to get you going. It's a crunchier version of Cocoa Krispies that will pretty much chocolify your soy milk. Baby, I know you like that. $4.99, Super Fresh or Whole Foods.

Tofu Chocolate Knishes

These are a little tough to find considering I know of one place that stocks them sparingly. If you happen to be at Essene on a Friday morning, and I haven't already snagged the last one, maybe it's your day. If not, there are usually apple, cranberry, blueberry, spinach, or broccoli varieties. They taste like not-too-sweet danishes, are high pro, and usually stick with me through the daily blogging/jaunting off to class process. $2.19 each, Essene.

Hungry? Grab A Cookzine

On an early summer trip to Montreal, I snagged a couple of vegan cookzines from a vintage shop on St. Viateur. I thought they were free, then realized I had stolen them after noticing the price stickers. I promise to spend lots of money there next time I go, and bring a sack of 9 grain bagels from St. Viateur Bagel Shop back across the border with me. Best bagels this patch of the globe.

I was immediately charmed by the whole DIY ethic of the completely unedited little booklets with cute typos that make you feel like you personally know whoever wrote them. So I mined 'em for the freegan straight dope and found some recipes worth doing the dishes for. Here's Jae Steele's recipe for biscuits 'n gravy.

Pope's Buttermilk Biscuits
1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour 1 tsp. dry sweetener
1 tbsp. baking powder 4-5 tbsp. margarine
1/2 tsp. baking soda 3/4 cup soy milk
1 tsp. salt

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. In a large bowl, combine flour, baking powder & soda, salt, and sweetener. Cut the margarine into it. Once it is crumbly, mix in the milk, and knead as little as possible so that they don't get tough.

Roll out about 3/4" thick and cut out. Brush the tops with milk or margarine and bake for 13 minutes or until lightly browned. They're best when eaten right away.
Country-Style Milk Gravy

2 cups water or soy milk 1/2 cup cashews
2 tbs. arrowroot powder 2 tbs. oil
1/2 tsp. celery seed powder 2 tsp. onion powder
2 tbs. tamari soy sauce freshly ground pepper

Give ingredients a good whirl in the blender.
Pour into a saucepan and stir constantly until thickened.

[recipe from Vegan Freegan]

Want To Bang Me?

This query could be of a sexual nature. If, by sexy, you mean around $3 or less and containing tofu, then yes, it's pure animalistic desire. Which is how my friends and I regard the holy banh mi hoagie. It's that Vietnamese veg staple of tofu, cilantro, daikon, peppers, wit or wit-out mayo, on a crusty French baguette, that everyone needs to know about. Our favorite is found at Cafe Nhuy on Christian St., and when we're particularly low on funds or just craving some pro-t, we text each other in this way:

want 2 bang me?
defs, i will bang u after work. at 4?
cool, im ready whenev.

We're all college educated and realize that the h is silencio, but still immature enough to keep this up. Wanna get some?

Top 5 Banh Mi

Ghetto Fab Veg Burgs

Time Out New York got RZA from Wu-Tang Clan to spill the soybeans on his strict veggie status. What's his special?

"A RZA burger is a veggie patty with a fried egg, cheese, lettuce, pickles and all that, smashed between two delicious waffles. Spread mustard and mayo on it with a little butter and put that shit together. Trust me, son, that shit needs to be in stores."

Whoa-ho. I'm still wondering what "pickles and all that" could be. Just wait until brother gets his new tour bus with a serious grill, and then hope that you're press or rollin' with whoever books his show, be it the Agnews or Live Nations of our city. Casually mention his namesake sammich, trade him whatever spices or gold you are carrying, and hope he burgers down with you. And if you haven't caught the 5-episode anime Afro Samurai with Sammy L.J., do that. RZA produced the soundtrack. Certifiiiiied.

TONY: RZA's No Burger Boy, But He Knows How To Grill 'Em

2007 VeggieAwards: Not As Uncool As The PETA Proggy Awards

Unrighteous: Philly wasn't nominated for top veg city, and that may have something to do with the infamous cultural icon of ours that comes smothered in glutinous cheese. Or maybe not. There's a box you can check that says other, and I want you to type in capitals, PHILADELPHIA. Good job, you. While you're on it, give your votes to Vegan Treats as choice bakery and Horizons for best resto. If you feel that way. If you have any taste at all. If you get excited about these things. This one is really quick, my word.

2007 VeggieAwards

Ten Minute Migas With Your Amigas

The Urban Vegan lays it down, and the outcome is Rachael Ray with a block of tofu.

I'm gonna thumbs up the following, and if you've had migas in Texas, you know where my heart is:

24. Migas with tofu. Sauté chopped stale bread with olive oil, mushrooms, onions and spinach. Stir in some crumbed tofu.

This one sounds wack, but I've done this with barbecue sauce and it was sexy.

62. Ketchup-braised tofu [Totally Bitttman's]: Dredge large tofu cubes in flour. Brown in oil; remove from skillet and wipe skillet clean. Add a little more oil, then a tablespoon minced garlic; 30 seconds later, add one and a half cups ketchup and the tofu. Cook until sauce bubbles and tofu is hot.

Summer Express: 101 Simple Vegan Meals Ready In 10 Minutes Or Less

The New 'New Samosa'

City Paper's Elisa Ludwig steps up to the veg indian buffet at New Samosa and finds that

"everything is overcooked until it's a homogenous slurry, drained of color and distinct texture."

I went when it first opened, and assumed it was just a "we're new, give us a break" issue that would resolve itself in time. I'm not even crazy for spicy food, but I thought that every dish I tried needed a serious kick. I ended up disappointedly chomping on naan bread after picking at everything with a tired fork. Get delivery from Tiffin like a proper vegizen in the know?

City Paper: Good As New

A Burger A Day...Or Not

Not all of my friends are veg. About 15% of them are still into that whole meat thing, which is shrugs to me, as long as you don't make me go to Wendy's with you. But if you do drag me to Wendy's, at least let me interview you while I'm there. That way, I can expose you to the masses because you're super duper special, you're even some kind of wunderkind in the wake of worldwide greening. Yes, this is Julian in the Metro. It made the nat'l edition and people asked why I chose to profile him. I respect his lifestyle, same way he does mine, but to tell it, I was impressed. You can't gross me out with Wing Bowls and the like. It's not the smartest or most pro-eco way to go, but it's kind of simple and makes sense. He isn't some touchy veg holier-than-thou fucktwat. Not that any of us are, but take watch. They are out there.

Philly's Own Burger Boy on Saltbored

Sippin' On Some Kale Sizzzzurp

You're going to get it this weekend, right? Then spend Thursday treating your body like a baby or a gummy-mouthed, cardiganed 89-yo man, your choice.

Kale Smoothie

Let me just swear by this. Yes, I know what color it is. If Popeye was still around, he'd be vegan, and he'd switch from spinach to kale even if it meant putting down his peace pipe for a sec. Knock one back at the Satellite Cafe, 701 S. 50th St. and then tell me you don't like veggies.

G.O.A.T Snacks

Muhammed Ali is really old now, but his health snack line comes in space-aged super-meta packaging aimed at college kids, so who's the winner here? His nutritious eats even sound tech-savvy with names like Rumble (fruit bars), Shuffle (vitamin energy crunch), and Jabs (vitamin energy crisps). Got it, bosschief, you're still hip. They're made with nuts and soy protein, so even if the Hot Picnic Chik! is supposed to taste like Sunday Picnic Basket Chicken, it's all just hype. And chillaxy yourself, G.O.A.T refers to Greatest Of All Time.